Maybe you've heard the phrase before, "Couples that play together stay together." Well, it is true. Your husband wants and NEEDS you to do things with them that they enjoy. For my dad, he enjoys doing things outside like hunting, fishing, cutting down trees, and calling coyotes. For my husband, he enjoys using his muscles and playing board games. When we were living where it was a lot warmer than here, we would go hiking whenever we got the chance. We'd go to the beach. And we could always play a game.
Since we recently moved and had a baby, I feel like this category requires more effort than it did before. This is part of what those people mean when they say, "Marriage takes work." We haven't had much opportunity to go outside, but I have asked him if he wants to cross-train with me on my off-running days. (I'm training for a 10K race in April.) For some reason, we also got out of playing games all the time too. I think that came with having a kid and being exhausted by 7 p.m. Every once in a while though I will pull out that card in my wallet and see which of the categories I am not fulfilling the most as a heart-mind-soul check. That's why I keep it in my wallet.
I realized that I was missing the Recreational Companionship category a bit more than usual, so I have been intentionally asking my husband if he wants to play a game with me. While I was at the Goodwill the other day, I happened to see a deck of States and Capitals cards on sale for $0.33. My husband has always liked memorizing states and their capitals and geography, so I knew I had to get it. I had to make a few cards since it wasn't all 50 states, but it works! It was a fun way to show him that I was thinking of him, and a great way to let him know I wanted to practice with him. My brother and sister in-law sent us The Scrambled States of America game when I told them about the States & Capitals cards because they knew it would be perfect for him. So we have been playing that as well
You need to understand that you can't wait for your husband to ask you to do something with him, because you might be waiting forever. Sometimes they have too much else to think about to realize they might need to relax a little bit and just play. The key is to know what they like and to invite them to do it with you if they don't invite you first. If they do invite you, then you have to be willing to set aside your housework, rest time, or whatever you feel that you need to do to join them. Sometimes it might not be your favorite activity. Cutting down trees or calling coyotes probably doesn't top my mom's list, but I have seen her many times going with my dad to cut down trees and twigs and branches in preparation for deer season and sitting in a field with a coyote radio trying to woo the wild dogs. Recreational companionship is a good opportunity to enjoy "us time" without having to sit down at a fancy meal with a lot of expectations and spend a lot of money. Other things we do together as examples include playing catch, hula hooping, doing a workout from a magazine or online article, having a random push up contest, and the list could go on and on.
If you are curious what all five of the Most Basic Needs are you can see them listed below. And yes, sexual fulfillment is listed as number one, because that is how God designed men. They did stress in the conference that this order isn't necessarily true for all men, just most men. It may seem a bit shallow, but you just have to change your way of thinking a bit to understand it. God made men different from women so that when we support their needs they can support our needs.
Your Husband's 5 Most Basic Needs:
- Sexual Fulfillment
- Recreational Companionship
- An Attractive Spouse
- Domestic Support